Diesel (Dead Souls MC Book 5) Read online

  I wasn’t a child any more. And I sure as hell wasn’t a piece of property that could just be married off. Rex was a stupid kid. Sure, a creepy fucking one, but a kid nonetheless. I could handle my own if he realized I was back in town. It had been ten fucking years. I doubt he would even give a shit about me anymore.

  I shoved the bar doors open and spilled out into the parking lot, but a pair of heavy footfalls sounded behind me.

  “Brynn. Wait up.”

  I got to my father’s motorcycle before realizing I didn’t have the keys to strike it up. So, I continued walking until I got to the curb of the road.

  Then, Diesel’s hand came down onto my arm again.

  “What did I tell you about--?”

  He whipped me around and straight into his arms. And the second my hands fell to his chest, memories came surging back. The warmth of his hands on the small of my back. His fingers intertwined with mine every Thursday afternoon as we laid out on the football field. His lips pressed into the crook of my neck as he took me against the wall of the school stairwell.

  I gazed up into his eyes as my entire body trembled at his touch. But I couldn’t become weak again. I couldn’t allow him to rip away all the progress I’d made in order to stand on my own two feet. So reluctantly, after feeling his touch for the first time in a decade, I pulled away from him.

  “I can’t marry you,” I said.

  “Then you can come live with me. I can probably talk your father down to an engagement or something,” Diesel said.

  “I’m not getting engaged to you, either,” I said.

  His eyes held my gaze with that piercing stare as I drew in a deep breath.

  “I can’t do any of this. All I wanted to do was come home and be with my father again. Be in my home again. Ten years, Diesel. It’s been ten fucking years.”

  “Trust me, I know,” he said.

  “I can’t marry you.”

  “Brynn, this isn’t exactly what I wanted either.”

  Any warmth that I felt being back in Diesel’s arms vanished. That was all I needed to hear to know how he felt about me. I quickly stepped away from him putting distance between us.

  “I’m not marrying you,” I said flatly.

  “You don’t have a choice here,” he said.

  My eyes hardened on him as I balled my hands into fists.

  “What do you mean, ‘I don’t have a choice’.” I said through gritted teeth. Who the hell did Diesel think he was?

  “Look, this is the only way your father is going to let you stay.”

  “Let me stay?!” I yelled as anger bubbled up in my chest. “I am a grown ass woman, Diesel. I can decide for myself where I live.”

  Diesel just stood there. He knew exactly how fucked up this conversation was. No one was going to force me to marry anyone. This wasn’t the middle ages. Women didn’t just get married off for protection. I turned around and started to walk down the road back to my childhood home.

  “All I want to do is open up a damn restaurant in my hometown. Why is that so much to ask!?” as I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. I could feel Diesel walking behind me, but I refused to turn around and face him.

  “Brynn, I know this is fucked up.”

  I let out a laugh. “Says the man that is telling me I have to marry him.”

  “I told you this isn’t exactly what I want either.”

  “Yeah you made that pretty clear,” I said as I started to walk faster. Diesel reached out for my arm again.

  “Brynn, you aren’t understanding everything.”

  I stopped walking and turned back to face him.

  “What part am I not understanding? The part of my father being paranoid? Or the part about where you are completely on board with this?” Diesel’s face softened.

  “The part of why I am on board. Rex is out on bail for murder.”

  “He what?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around my chest. I stared into Diesel’s eyes. There was a sadness there that he was trying to contain.

  “He’s out. And he is out for blood. Please Brynn. Right now, I am just trying to keep you and my club safe.”

  “Diesel, keeping me safe doesn’t require you --.”

  “Brynn. I visited your grave every Thursday for ten years.”

  I swallowed thickly as Diesel took a step towards me.

  “Ten years, grieving you. Ten years, wasting away behind a bottle of beer and analyzing people. Making sure I could keep my club safe. Making sure I could keep anyone around me safe. Because I couldn’t keep you safe, Brynn.”

  “That doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you, Diesel Just because we had a thing in high school doesn’t mean--”

  His arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer to him. So close I felt his rapidly-beating heart banging against my chest. His heat drew tears to my eyes. His words felt hot against my ears. But none of that required marriage.

  My being protected didn’t require a lifelong commitment.

  “I’m not going to be forced to marry you,” I said as I flattened my hands upon his chest.

  “Then here’s my compromise,” Diesel said. “You allow me to protect you, and you can stay. If you don’t, you’re gone.”

  “You don’t have that kind of control over me.”

  “Watch me,” he said.

  I shoved him away from me as I stumbled onto my feet. I didn’t want to hear another word of what anyone had to say. If they thought for one fucking second I was going along with this asinine plan, then they were wrong. If they thought for one fucking second that they could control my actions any longer, they were sorely mistaken.

  I was shoved out of this town against my will once before. I sure as hell wasn’t going to let that happen again.

  So instead of saying so many things I knew I would regret, I turned and began walking down the road.

  Walking back towards the only place that ever really felt like home.

  Chapter 5

  Diesel

  I watched her walk down the block before I took after her again. What the hell did she think she was going to do? Walk all the way back to her house? With fucking Rex prowling god-knew-where? After being filled in on the entire story, I knew Brynn’s safety was paramount. I knew Rex wouldn’t let the fact that she was really alive and back in town just go. And I knew I’d do whatever it took to keep her out of harm’s way.

  Beyond that though, I needed to do this to get Dean’s help. The club needed it. We would never survive if we didn’t have the Black Hornets backing us up. We would never be able to take Rex down on his own.

  I jogged after her and gripped her arm again, stopping her in her tracks. Only this time, she didn’t turn to face me with that beautiful stare of hers.

  “Look, I know this is a shitty situation. But my club needs your father’s help. And this is the only way your father will allow it.”

  With my words, she slowly turned to take me in, looking at me as if I had lost my damn mind.

  “My father’s more reasonable than that,” she said.

  “Not when it comes to you. We both know that.”

  “Look, when my father told me--”

  She drew in a deep breath as I released my grip on her arm.

  “When my father told me that you were now the president of the Dead Souls, I was shocked. Really. I knew you were batting between my father’s club and them, but I never did know which one you picked. Much less how quickly you climbed the ranks. But the second he insinuated that you guys were in trouble, that solidified my want to come back home. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Because there hasn’t been a damn moment that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about you, D.”

  I gazed into her darkened eyes, trying to hold myself back. I knew people were gathering to watch. Pouring out of the bar to witness the negotiation currently taking place. The protection of my club hinged on her agreement to marry me, but the protection of her hinged on her agreement to even allow me around her.

  I
’d protect her from the shadows if I had to, but I sure as hell didn’t want to.

  “So, if you came back to help, what’s the problem?” I asked.

  “The problem? What do you mean, ‘what’s the problem’? Are you that thick, D? It’s marriage. It’s a lifelong commitment.”

  “And once this is all over, if you want a divorce I’ll give it to you.”

  She scoffed and shook her head, folding her arms over her chest.

  “Is that really all marriage is to you?” she asked. “Just a sheet of paper to sign and resign when it’s no longer convenient for someone?”

  “This marriage bonds the two clubs. Nothing else.”

  “Nothing else? Well, what if I want something else, D? What if I want love and romance and a genuine connection with someone? Huh!? What if I want to only get married once and do it the right way. Not because I was being forced into it.”

  She thrust her arm out and I looked back, taking in the sheer amount of men standing on the porch of the damn bar. They all looked at me, waiting for me to reconcile with Brynn so we could get this fucking show on the road.

  But I knew Brynn. And I knew if she didn’t want to do something, there was no forcing her.

  Fuck.

  This was going to be a lot harder than both Dean or I thought.

  “I can’t marry you, D. I can’t marry anyone because I owe it to some fucking agreement. I came home to make sure you were okay, but I also came home to restart my life here. It has been ten years, and I am so sick and tired of staying away. I want to open up a restaurant here. To class up the damn place a little bit. To try out my own recipes and put smiles on people’s faces with my food.”

  “So, you did the chef thing,” I said with a grin.

  “Yes, I did the ‘chef thing’, asshole. I got my GED and went to culinary school. Been working in Los Angeles as a sous chef and now? I want to open my own place.”

  “That’s good,” I said. “I could help you do that if we were married.”

  “If we were married. Jesus Christ D. You mean you don’t want to help me, in general? You know, just because you’re a nice guy and all?”

  The sarcasm was heavy in her voice, and I knew I’d already lost this damn fight. I took a step towards her and she allowed me the closeness. My hand rose up her arm, feeling the hairs on her skin stand up against my palm. I smoothed over her shoulder and cupped her neck, drawing her face closer to mine. I stopped within mere inches of her lips, my eyes darting in between hers. Taking in the bubblegum smell of her breath and the softness of her skin.

  Brynn had always been an avid gum-chewer.

  Then, she shook her head and pulled away from my grasp.

  “I know my father’s only doing this to try and protect me, but I don’t want to get married like that. Even if it is to you, D.”

  My brow furrowed deeply as she held her hand up in the street. A lone cab pulled up and she got in, then rattled off the address I’d memorized as a teenager. She shut the door and looked up at me, then the cab pulled away. Carrying the only girl I’d ever proclaimed to love. Carrying away the only face that kept me afloat during the horrendous times in my life.

  Carrying away the only source of warmth my body had felt in years.

  Even if it was to you. I wondered what she meant by that. I stood on the corner and watched as her cab faded into the darkness of the horizon. Faded away into the dusty roads of Redding. I hadn’t been back to the area I grew up in since pledging with the Dead Souls. It was actually Brynn’s death that turned me off to pledging the Black Hornets. The day after her funeral I told Dean I was no longer going to be a prospect for them. And he was nice enough to let me go. I threw myself into the Dead Souls MC, hoping to push away the pain that had built up in my chest from her death.

  I stood there, my arms hanging at my sides, as memories bombarded my mind.

  The first time I ever took Brynn was the night we gave our virginities to one another. I sat against a tree I’d peeled the bark away from and she did what she could. Kissed a little bit of my neck and fumbled around trying to get my cock out. I used way too much tongue kissing her and she tried to do the kind thing and keep her grimaces at bay. I pulled her hair a little too tightly and she wrapped her hand around my cock a little too hard.

  But the second I’d slid into her and felt her tightness, I knew I was home.

  Everything I enjoyed now as a man, I’d tried on her as a teenager. Smacking her ass. Pulling her hair. Burying my tongue between her thighs. I’d slid my dick into her ass more times than I could count and fondled her sweet pussy underneath the stars on the football field as her name breathlessly poured from my lips.

  But my favorite memory of us was when we almost got caught. Just days before the shootout. Just a week and a half before I had buried what I thought was her.

  It was the last time I’d ever put my hands on her, and to this day I always wondered what was about to slip from her lips.

  “D. Yes. Inside. Put them inside. Please.”

  I slipped my fingers into her warm heat as my pinky finger traced the puckered blossom of her ass. She bucked into my hand as I pressed her against the wooden wall of the shed. My lips nipped her neck as her hips rolled, her asshole sinking down onto my pinky finger.

  I filled her completely, and the look on her face was one I’d never forget.

  “Oh shit, D. So good. Don’t stop, please. Your tongue. I need your tongue.”

  “I love how vocal you are,” I said into her neck.

  I sank to my knees willingly for her as my head poked underneath the skirt of her dress. My tongue raced around her clit, sucking on its juiciness and feeling it pulse against my tip. Her walls fluttered around me as I stuffed her full, pressing all of the buttons I’d become all too familiar with. Her juices dripped onto my palm. Her ass clamped down onto my finger. She rose to her toes and her thighs began to contract, and I knew how close she was.

  How close she always came before I backed off and teased her.

  “Don’t stop. Don’t stop. D, please. I… I-I-I-”

  “Say it,” I said.

  I peeked out from underneath her dress as her eyes flickered down to mine.

  “Say it,” I commanded.

  “D. I…”

  “Brynn?”

  The sound of her father’s voice that night was still the only thing that scared me more than anything else in the world. Because I knew if he caught me with my fingers impaling his daughter’s body he’d never let me pledge his club. Hell, he probably would have never let me walk again. And to this day, I was convinced she was about to tell me she loved me. Those three little words that had been rattling around in my head for weeks every time I looked at her. Every time she wrapped her lips around my cock and every time she let me pour myself into her, I wanted to say them.

  But I never was sure if she felt the same way.

  Had her father not come looking for her so damn soon after sending her out to the shed, I might’ve known if she felt the same way.

  “Any luck?” Dean asked.

  He stepped up beside me, his shock of white hair filling my peripheral.

  “You know how Brynn is,” I said. “Once she makes up her mind…”

  “I’ll talk with her.”

  “ Dean, is the marriage really necessary? If all you want me to do is protect her, then I can do that. Make her move in with me.”

  Dean’s eyes panned over to my profile before he raked his eyes down my form.

  “I’ll talk some sense into my daughter. But this deal stands as is. You want our protection, you become family. That’s it. We ain’t compromising our code because you wanna get on Brynn’s good side.”

  I clenched my jaw to keep from firing back at the man who single-handedly possessed what we needed.

  I fucking hated deals like these.

  “You still living in that same house?” I asked.

  I saw Dean nod before I turned to look at him.

  “Talk
with Brynn. And if she doesn’t want to get married then we alter the deal,” I said.

  “You heard me--”

  I walked right up to Dean’s face. I was tired of his shit and this stupid fucking deal. I got that he wanted to protect Brynn. I was happy to help protect her. Hell, if she actually wanted to get married, I would marry her in a second. I loved her as much as I did when we were teenagers. But if Brynn did not want that, then I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to force her to do it.

  “I fucking heard you, so now you’re going to hear me. You need protection for her just as much as my club needs protection in the form of your guys. You want Brynn covered, you got it. Done deal. But if you don’t want to compromise this whole ‘family initiative’ thing you got going on, you are being a fucking idiot. If you haven’t realized, Brynn is her own person. If she doesn’t want to get married, then I won’t force her into that. I’m not compromising my morals to get on your good side. I’m trying to figure out what the fuck will give me Brynn without pissing her off and making her run for the damn hills. Because the second she’s unwatched, that’s when Rex will strike. You know it. I know it. And they fucking know it.”

  I pointed behind him at our clubs as they stood, watching our interaction.

  “So, you keep up your god damn code and see how far it gets you with Brynn. And in the meantime? I’ll be holding up my fucking end of the bargain by making sure your daughter stays safe.”

  Then I stalked past the man, aiming straight for his shoulder before I headed to my bike.

  Chapter 6

  Brynn

  “Brynn? You home?”

  I heard my father’s voice echo through the downstairs as I sat on the edge of my bed. My father hadn’t changed a damn thing about it. My softball and swimming trophies were still on the mantle. My bedspread was still green and purple and pink. The full-sized bed sat in the same damn place against the same pale yellow walls him and I had painted one weekend on a whim. Even the tie dye rugs in my bathroom hadn’t been touched.